btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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