I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Too much gin, very little bucket
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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