We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
