My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
