I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
