I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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