There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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