Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
