She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Your penis caused this!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
