i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
