Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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