Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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