i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
false alarm, still single
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
