She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
