oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
