Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
