Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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