i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
