i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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