Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
