I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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