summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize