Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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