I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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