you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
