i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
