i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Found the puke drawer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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