Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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