i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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