Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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