11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
