In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
