the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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