Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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