I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
