i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
