did you get engaged???
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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