i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
