i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
