The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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