i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
