When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
