I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
