carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
