I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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