We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
