i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
