Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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