New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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