I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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