just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
