apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I've blown a few things in my day
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
