And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize