Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
