You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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