There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
