i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
