Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
