South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
