My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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