Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
