"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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