he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
