No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
