Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pants are for mortals
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