how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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