i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize