what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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