Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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