I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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