Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
