How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
