those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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