Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize